If you really must, if you're dying to say something, just say, "you look great." Even if I don't. I have one friend who always tells me that I "look fabulous, very European," every time I see him. That's okay too. It's a very fine line. Few people can walk it well.
I know, talking about someone's hair after chemotherapy seems like the nice thing to do. I'm sure that I've done it before to people who have gone through chemo. It's the most obvious and physical sign that cancer treatments are over, and everything is getting back to normal.
Maybe talking about hair feels like a good way to break the ice after a year of cancer. As if to say, you're looking healthy. In the beginning, after I stopped wearing my wigs, it was great and even encouraging to get so many compliments on my downy soft, new hair. I felt like a rock star--a rock star who had just gone through a year of cancer treatment.
But, really, unless I bring it up now--my hair is off limits. I don't care how great it might look or how great you thought it looked a few months ago. It's not my hair by choice. My hair (the good, the bad, and the ugly) looks the way that it does, because I had breast cancer.
My hair is a constant reminder that I had cancer.
No, I am not going to keep it short. No, I don't know if it will stay curly (I've never had cancer before). No, it's not easier to take care of when it's short. (It take hours and a ton of products to keep this hair from not looking like Buckwheat's). And, no, I do not like the new nickname "Curly." Really, I got one that last week.
I may talk about about it. But, my hair is a bit like a crazy family member. I can say what I want about it, but it doesn't feel right coming from other people.
So, you see, it's a bit of a sensitive subject. I have days when I'm not thinking about cancer--and then I look in the mirror or someone comments on my hair. And, I am reminded that I still have to deal with this hair--and the fact that I had cancer. I don't need a reminder. I have and will always have many, many reminders.
It's true, these unruly chemo curls of mine are better than the old wigs for sure. And, I know that I am incredibly lucky to be a breast cancer treatment survivor. I am lucky that my biggest complaint is about my hair. I am lucky. I really am.
But, here's the thing that's hard, I just don't look or feel like me with this hair. I survived a year of cancer treatment, and now I am (still) stuck with impostor hair on my head everyday.
It's a sensitive subject, because, I really just miss my old hair.
I have said it before, "it's all about the hair." And, it seems it still is.
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Breast cancer alone can be terrifying, but the breast cancer community is empowering.
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